Story About a Girl Falling in Love With an Angle and Having Animal Babies

Four weeks ago, my life changed forever.  My husband Charlie and I tried for two years to get pregnant, and last Apr, nosotros finally saw that sparse pink line. We couldn't be more excited!  The baby we longed for would be here before Christmas.  We found out she was a little girl, and started planning right away, pink plant nursery and all. Because of our infertility bug, we had near a dozen ultrasounds, none of which signaled a trouble. I loved being pregnant and couldn't have been happier. Nosotros decided to name her Lila.  Iv messages that were very shut to the fashion my hubby signs his emails to me…LILY (Latricia I Love You lot) simply with a little more than sass 🙂
Our piffling Miss Lila was breech and so we scheduled a c-section for December 12th. Her room was ready, my parents were in town, everything was perfect. At 2 am that day, only three hours before we had to be at the hospital, I wrote this to my piddling girl…

Love Lila,

Today we will meet you afterwards more than of than two years of praying that yous would observe us. From the moment I establish out you were growing in my belly, I knew you were special and would change our lives forever. You are already so blest with so many people who dear yous, specially a Daddy who will support, protect and encourage you every 24-hour interval of your life. If I could requite you one piece of advice on this day before your nascence, it would be to trust that everything happens for a reason. It's something your perfectionist Momma struggles with, but I am still learning every day. And ever wait for the best in people. Besides, I already know you are the all-time of me and we oasis't even met yet. Thanks for already changing our lives sweetness little girl.

Love,
Your Momma

Lilliputian did I know, how true those words would become in just a few hours.

The c-section went great! When I saw Lila for the kickoff time, my first thought was "She is beautiful!" but she didn't look similar how I'd imagined.  I figured that no baby really always did. But the nurses could tell something, I could feel it. We all celebrated with family and friends packed into the hospital room waiting for their beginning glimpse of this predictable footling lady.  Only 3 hours later on my world came to a stop. A nurse came into the room and told us Lila showed some soft signs of Downs Syndrome and they wanted to test to be certain. I felt everyone staring at me.  I zoned in and out considering of the drugs I was on post-obit the surgery. I couldn't concentrate on what they were telling me. Nosotros would know for certain in 24 hours.

That time is a blur. People stopped taking pictures, tears were everywhere.  My first words to my husband… " she is still ours, we will love her no affair what," but inside I was numb. We grasped on to the hope that maybe they were incorrect, just in my heart I knew improve.
When the results came dorsum positive nigh 24 hours later, I asked anybody to leave the room, I couldn't handle their grief on top of my own, the weight was crushing. My husband and I laid on the hospital bed with our lilliputian girl between united states, holding each other and not maxim annihilation for an hour. We were trying to wrap our heads around the news. Our lives would never be the same, many of our plans…out the window.

For 2 days, I didn't shed a tear. I think I felt like, if I did, it would mean I wasn't grateful for my little girl. As we told the rest of our family and friends, many offered comforting words of advice and support, only my eyes stayed dry out. Charlie kept telling me how strong I was, only really I was a coward, refusing to let it sink in.  Until our terminal dark in the hospital, when the nurses encouraged me to walk around the hallways of the hospital to assist release some the air trapped in my tummy from the surgery. All all of a sudden, I saw people pouring in and out of these other rooms with Congratulations balloons and stuffed animals. I lost it, and "ugly-face" cried in the heart of the hallway.  My room was filled with gifts and family too, but each was tiptoeing effectually Lila's diagnosis, not certain what to say, often with sad smiles of an uncertain hereafter. I couldn't blame them, I was acting the same way.  These other visitors were jubilant, with bright simply exhausted smiles, total of plans and goals. I felt like they had stolen my joy. I feared that Lila'due south birthday would forever exist in my head as the best and scariest 24-hour interval of my life. A nurse nosotros met at a prenatal class rushed upwards to ask if I was in pain. In fact,  my centre was in so much hurting I couldn't speak. All I could manage to say was, "jealous." I wanted that excitement back from the hr before her birth, from the previous 9 months. I wanted to start over, to have it all become as I planned, I wanted life to be fair. I longed to be meaning again to have that unfiltered joy.  My heed told me that I was beingness punished for all of the times when the road might have been also easy. I will feel guilty for these feelings probably for the remainder of my life.

That night a friend sent the verse form "Welcome to Holland." It told of an unexpected trip, when your eye was full and your bags packed for some other destination. It spoke of the grief for your perfect plans and the story already written in your mind for the child you didn't have. Information technology was the first time I felt understood and not lonely. It was my permission slip to feel, to shed the numbness of the previous days, to accept the challenge alee and to dearest my niggling daughter that I spent years praying to see. That night we sent an email to coworkers and posted on Facebook about Lila'south Downs. We told everyone not to tell u.s.a. they were pitiful, because we weren't.

I still wonder if she could sense the sadness that sometimes nevertheless grips me when we go to another md, hear news of a friends perfect new inflow, or become a glimpse of something she probably won't ever do. And then I think the words a dear friend said to me in the infirmary. She said, "Lila is not just your gift, she was sent here to teach united states of america all." My little Lila, an example of faith and hope and dear before she was even a few hours old. A blessing I pray for the patience to capeesh every single day. My kid. A gift most credible when I can hear my husband talking to her from the other room, with so much pure connection that I fall more in love with him more everyday. I know she will be the bond that will ascertain our family.

And ever since, nosotros are learning.  Finding out the successes of other children and adults with Downs.  The barriers they are breaking.  The paths my piffling daughter will one solar day follow.  She is a gift that, I pray, I am lucky enough to receive to its fullest.  She is what my life was meant to be. I am forever reminded of the words I wrote to her, in the hours earlier her birth…"E'er look for the all-time in people. Besides, I already know yous are the best of me and nosotros haven't even met yet. Cheers for already changing our lives sweet little girl."

Latricia

browntrathem.blogspot.com

Source: https://letterstolila.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/the-day-we-met-our-little-girl/

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